AS IT TURNS OUT NO I DIDN'T.

Please excuse my absence of late. Between two shrinks and a towering case of suicidal tendancies and smothering depression, well to be honest I've been less than enthused about anything really.

As a photographer a natural disaster is of course fodder for my lens. However we seem to be in the grip of what can only be described as hell on earth. Floods up north and killer fires down south. Right now I'm sitting in my office listening to rain drumming down on the roof. Its a welcome change from weeks of 40+ degree days but the state of Victoria needs this more than we do.

There was something like two hundred fires burning this morning and a death toll that stands at around 180 people. The television, newspapers and even the net is flooded with pictures of carnage. Not exactly great for anyone battling depression you might think but hey, I've at least got the perspective that my issues seem really small and insignificant compared to what we're seeing.

The photos I'm showing you were shot on Sunday after a fire had been through a place about 50 kilometres south of where I am. I watched this fire burn up over the ridge the night before, nothing on earth moves as fast as a hungry bush fire.

To all of you who have commented or dropped me a line, thanks boys and girls of blogville.

Love Katie xoxox

YES I SHALL

Yes I shall post later today. I'll fill you in on all of the gossip concerning the weekend photo shoot and what actually happened. I may tell you about a certain flat mate who stole my ciggarettes and my lighter this morning on her way to work. And since it is so spectacuarly hot today I may just go and fry an egg on the pavement and report on the results.

But right now I am climbing back into the shower thanks to Dive so that I can get rid of the breakfast I just spilled down my cleavage.

Dive, you are a bad bad boy!

THE MONKEY F*CKING THE FOOTBALL!

So here it is, well after midnight and my brain is still doing a crap load of thinking.
Its dilemma time which means its rant time and in America its probably Miller time.
Right now that we are all square let the whinge begin for this is a whinge make no mistake.
This is the whinge of the fuck you its all bout me new years resolution.
I have a shoot to do, a dire, gruesome, gothically inspired, Charles Dickensish suicide themed shoot.
My model is more than happy to help me produce the images.
Just when everything is coming up roses you get hit with the thorns.
The model now has to bring his son with him, because god knows this model can't actually have any time to himself without his family imposing on him.
Am I a fucking babysitting service? No.
Am I Mother Teresa? No.
I am a creative.
I am a Diva so I have been told.
I am royally pissed off.
How do I shoot contemporary suicide scenes with an 11 year old standing around carrying on because he isn't having his face stuffed with KFC or some other equally vile ADHD accelerator?
How do I shoot a convincing hanging scene with fetus extended in the room?
Its a monkey fucking a football situation and I am having a tantrum!!!!!!!!

DIGITAL DUMMIES.

I've just spent half an hour reviewing some photos taken of my nephew during this year at preschool. The results are not pleasing in the least.
The problem with digital technology is those ridiculous display screens that allow you to see the picture before you take it. People rely on this instead of the tried and true method of actually looking through the viewfinder.
The results are half out of focus junk that doesn't even pass for abstract quirkiness, just laziness from the snapper.
I saw this technique being used extensively when I was teaching. The kids would take shots then be disappointed when they reviewed them. Shakiness, blur and out of focus shots.
How did I correct this? Simply by turning off that stupid display screen and getting them to look through the viewfinder. Instantly better pictures emerged.
Now maybe I am being a techo snob here but it infuriates me when you are handed work that is sub standard. You don't have to a professional photographer to get a good result or even a great result, you just need patience.
So there we are people, Turn off the damn digital display!!!!!

COMPETITION RESULTS

Congratulations to Dive, Lynn, Terroni and Biddie for winning the sections of the Christmas competition.
To claim your prize simply choose the print you'd like from my blog posts or my website image therapy and send your mailing information in an email to mschaoticperfection@hotmail.com.

For the record, the statue sitting on my work desk is of a young Buddha.
My personal favourite post would have to be a tie between Bubonic Man and the Thunderbolt series which had me intrigued for months. In the coming year I am planning on doing another.

CHRISTMAS COMPETITION

In the spirit of starting new Christmas traditions I've decided this year to kill two birds with one stone.
As a photographer I've little storage and many image proofs of work that I have done.
So here's the deal. From now until Christmas I'll be running a competition, the winners will receive the image of their choice mailed to where ever they happen to be in the world.
Choose your image from my aminus site that you will find in the side bar and then answer the question of your choice from below.
Most original answers win an A3 photographic image.

The Questions -

1) What statue do you think I have sitting on my work desk?

2) If you could be anyone in the world living or dead who would you be and why?

3) Your favourite kate isis post and why?

4) Or simply tell me why you should win?

Winners will be chosen christmas eve and prints will be sent in the new year.

I GUESS I'M JUST CYNICAL

I was recently invited as the "and friend" to an engagement party.
What amused me was the small note enclosed which requested money to go towards the happy couples house rather than gifts.
I don't like the idea of wedding presents so I really don't go all gooey hearted at the thought of engagement presents. I see it as double dipping.
When I buy tyres for my car i get the warranty, even if i never use it I find it comforting to know that if anything does go wrong there is a money back guarantee behind the product I am investing in.
Same with the purchase of a motor vehicle, you get the warranty.
In this day and age the average Australian marriage, according to recently read stats, lasts around 8 and a half years.
This isn't a solid investment when i can walk into a shop and get a ten year warranty on a washer and dryer.
Plus whilst thinking about this request for funds from the happily engaged couple I have to factor in fertility.
If the couple go the distance and make it to the altar then there is a high chance that they will at some point procreate.
If they do this then the Australian government in all of its stupidity will give them a nice fat cheque for $7000 which they call the baby bonus.
For every bundle of joy they spit out they receive a bundle of cash.
That cash comes from my paying taxes.
So my logic is why should I pay at the engagement when down the track I'm going to be stung again?
If the happy couple make it down the aisle but then find they despise each other they end up in divorce court. If they have children they end up in family law court. One of them gets legal aid which you guessed it, my taxes are paying for.
Every four years when the government is looking to kiss some collective arse they announce tax cuts and bonuses and handouts for families. Which my taxes are paying for.
When the happy couple buy their first house they can apply for the first home buyers grant which is yet more money supplied by you guessed it - my taxes.
So doing the maths this couple are in the future going to benefit from my taxes to the tune of a tidy sum of money yet they have the audacity to ask me to kick start them on a lifetime of robbing me blind at their engagement party.
Call me cynical but I think not.

WHERE FOR ART THOU ROMEO????

Is it just me or has the standard of romantic salutation dropped dramatically of late?
It seems the men of old knew how to verbally romance a girl.
"Let me compare thee to a summers day, thou art more lovely and more temperate"
Now that's nice, its pretty, its complimentary.
These days you are more likely to get "Nice knockers, baby I wanna make u cum" via text message.
When did the romantic standard slip from admiring a whole personality to the depraved delights of specified body parts and sexual acrobatics?
When a girl asks, "Romeo romeo where for art thou romeo?" it can be a little off putting to receive the reply "I'm here waiting for you to cum sit on my face"
Love and romance in the technological age has downsized.
I blame text messages, computers and those slightly disturbing "Dating" websites that are all about the one night fling.
No longer do we meet someone in St Louis, we just meet them for coffee.
Coffee is a euphemism for sex according to the chat speak on these dating websites. And you can be assured that the coffee is the evil instant kind. No time for fresh ground aromatically brewed romance, its all about the boiling water scalding the beans these days.

Personally I think i would have rather have lived in a gentler age, even if that age meant early death from a some plague. How nice it would be to have romance defined as rose petals rather than a gift wrapped dust buster.

For want of a better word, this has been my more effective therapy for the past six months. Photography, teaching me to se the world through bi polar eyes without actually hating it.
Right now its 3am and i shoudl be in bed as I have a massive day to complete.
A few hours ago i got a call from my younger brother wanting me to pick him up from the psych ward. It seems you can take the girl out of welfare but they still keep calling.
Luckily i now have a few images that I can now call upon to soothe a day when it is most harsh.

Welcome to Australia, run amuck and blame it on mental incapacity.

Screw it I'm still in a politcally incorrect fuck off type of mood.
I was watching the news over the last few days and saw the footage of a 43 year old sudanese import plowing down a bunch of pedestrians, killing one outright.
What pisses me off about this is that this woman is suffering post traumatic stress syndrome after seeing her husband murdered in sudan, and that was the excuse that saw no charges being laid for reckless driving or manslaughter.
And she will be eligible to apply for her learners permit again.
Sure she may have had tragedy in her life but to let this menace drive ever on our roads is just bullshit.
If she was so mentally incapacitated what was she doing behind the wheel of a car in the first place? What was her driving instructor thinking? Both of them should be facing charges. Her actions killed a person.
The least this woman could do is offer to pay for the funeral of the person whoose life she so recklessly took.
The gutless wonder didn't even have the decency to show up at the coroners enquiry.
Rude.
Her punishment should be exportation on a slow leaky boat back to the sudan.

ARE TERRORISTS TAKING INSTRUCTION FROM WILEY COYOTE?

I'm in one of those unfortunate "haven't been on my meds in two weeks" kind of moods. This often leads in a shift in thinking.
I went to work at a pre school the other day and so missed the begining of the news coverage about the Mumbai massacre.
But after watching hours of witness statements about what went on I am forced to the conclusion that terrorists in general are taking their instruction not from Osama but from Wiley Coyote.
I was listening to the last remaining gunman outline a plan that was to see 5000 people killed and the hotel blown up. That was the general plan it seems.
They failed miserably in reaching their objective. The question is why?
Think about it. A nice hotel, packed with guests. You could do some real damage there.
Its obvious these so called terrorists haven't seen one decent action movie - ever.
Tourists in a somewhat flashy part of a third world country are going to be out and about late, sampling the nightlife. Thats what a holiday is for is it not?
So, Lesson One, wait till they go to bed. Westerns on holiday generally don't have to be up at the crack of dawn to kiss allahs mythical arse in prayer so a small amount of obvious homework would tell these terrosits that tourists do stay up late.
Lesson Two - Going in with all guns blazing. Kind of kills the element of surprise once you start firing. Silencers were invented for a reason. You could pop a cap in the arses of scores of sleeping tourists before anyone cottoned on to what was going on. However gunmen in general seem to like the flash and the bang. The object it seems IS terrifying the populous rather than murder. If straight out murder was on the agenda you'd use a silencer.
Gunmen the world over seem to get this wrong. Big loud noises and blood will make even the most wheelchair bound tourist pick up sticks and run away, they're just not co operative.
If the object is terror why not actually terrify? Sure big ranty gunmen are scary but hey there are plenty of things in the world far scarier. Kidnap a population, strap them into cinema seats and make them watch Oprah for hours. A huge opinionated sanctimonious coloured american with a bouffant hairdo and more money than she deserves, yep thats scary.
And as an offside observation, now that america has its first black president as people keep going on about, are the coloured people going to be the whites while the blacks will simply be Americans?
Lesson Three - Give it up. You can't top 9/11.
Lesson Four - One day the world will have an opposite day and political correctness will go out the door. If the free western world had any sense we'd pull out the troops, all of them. Peace keeping makes no difference to terrorists, it just pisses them off.
The only way to fix this problem is the Wiley Coyote way. We'll get ourselves an ACME Bacon and pork products bomb and just drop it on you.

Dear Blogville,

Here are my observations of late:

• In almost every action movie you will find a scene where the female lead wears a pairof boots, black pants and a black long sleeve rounded neck shirt. Arms folded across themselves and putting out serious attitude.
• I need an image libraian. Someone to catalogue my ever growing range of images into something more manageable.
• If you are distracted while working at the compouter you will invariably ash into your caramel tart.
• A watched and anticipated msn never replies.
• On the day, your white shirt will show up a stain. Best to buy a new one every time.
• The whole idea of putting your best foot forward every time you leave the house is just exhausting. And visitors only turn up when you are having a birds nest hair day and couldn't be bothered brushing it.
• It is a foregone conclusion that the psych - Dr V will mock me tomorrow. And I have not as yet formulated a comeback.

Dear Blogville,

Well its smack on 3am and i'm wide awake. Not a great start to November. I have a feeling I have an appointment sometime today to assess how I am coping with life with some becardiganned government official bully type. Maybe I will skip it.

So whats been dfoing? Sweet FA really. Thats the main problem with Bi polar 2, you just lose track of hours, days and socks.

I can't even be bothered to post.

THE RETURN OF CYNICAL RANTISM

Dear Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd,

Recently I have been advised of a new scheme of this latest government. Compulsory internet censorship for every Australian. You intend to stamp out such illegal activites as researching anything to do with euthanasia as well as targeting pro annorexia websites.
Is the spirit of "Big Brother" alive and well in your government? Are you merely bending from pressure from minority groups? Do you intend our lucky country to become as buttoned down as Cuba, China, Iran?
Will your computer be subject to censorship as well?
Censorship is a way to bind the working peasants, make sure they have no access to information while you do what exactly? What are you afraid we will find out?
And on the subject of what you should censor I notice there has been no talk about banning links to islamic websites. Those people blow shit up but that seems to be ok by you. If you were to do that you'd be labelled a racist. So let us get this straight. Australian's under this plan will not be allowed to google pro anorexia or euthanasia links on the world wide web anymore but we are free to type in terrorist cells and how to join one and jihad for dummies.
Why don't we just burn some books and gas a few jews while we are at it? Maybe throw a few dissadents to the lions as public sport.
How much more dark ages victorian era do the governments have to make this country? How much longer will politics be swayed by pressure from so called religious groups and those family first wankers? Religion and the family unit really shouldn't be making policy or influencing policy. For that matter the church also shouldn't be influencing who wins Australia Idol as they tried to do last year.
And there has also been talk that this blanket censorship is designed to stamp out child pornography. We'll rubbish to that. It won't be stopped by taking away freedom of information. It won't be stopped by banning adult websites. Just look at the high profile people going to jail over child pornography these days - judges, priests etc. The law and the clergy, the very same people screaming to censor our society.
Lets look at euthanasia. Illegal in this country. Why is it illegal in this country if its done and policed properly? You're condemning a population to die in pain. You are condemning people to years of dementia, alzheimers, bed ridden misery.
What a lucky country we are, we will have the right to die in pain, without dignity as long as no one googles the word tits we'll be just fine.
Lets wrap the whole country in Hijab right now.
We came from convict stock and you want to send us back to that era?
I find it ironic that the government would even consider censorship of this nature. By taking this course of action you are commiting political suicide and lets not forget that euthanasia is illegal in this country.
Will you also revise the basic sayings that have grown up during the last two hundred years in this country? If your plan suceeds we will never again be able to ask "what is the world coming to?" because we won't have the right to know.
Instead of grandstanding plans to lock this country up why don't you concentrate on fixing this country?
Lets fix operating theatre tables so that they don't collapse during an operation. Lets open more hospital beds so that children who have a broken arm aren't waiting in casualty for eight hours to get seen to. Lets once and for all come clean about fuel prices. There is no need for fuel prices to bounce up and down to the tune of ten cents per litre in a matter of hours on a weekly basis. Lets find enough teachers so that years 3, 4, 5and 6 aren't all crammed into one classroom. Lets actually try to get kids to learn to read and write while they are in school instead of turning out teenagers who can't do either.
Instead here is our future. In ten years time here we will be huddled in our government made ghetto with our homemade laptop trying desparately to get an outside anonymous server connection in hopes of finding out just what happened in the last episode of Prisonbreak.

Welcome to Australia - where the bloody hell are you indeed.

Dear Blogville,

I've been toying with the idea of writing a message for a bottle. Of being able to pour out all of the things that I cannot say and casting it adrift to wash up on some shore. Yes, I am a romantic idealist living in a time when people communicate by text message.
Knowing my luck after pouring out all of my secrets the bottle owould wash up on some non foreign shore and I would be arrested for polluting the ocean.
I like the idea of a love letter folded into a paper boat and sent off down the curent of a creek. Not terribly practical but who wants practical?
It's spring that has brought this about. No other season makes me quite as indulgent, quite as introspective. There's something about the heady smell of gardenia and jasmine brought through your wiondow on a breeze that makes you go all frilly and silly.
And yes Dive I can imagine your response, Bah Humbug!
A few weeks ago on a spur of the moment impulse I walked into a tattoo parlour and had the words "Fly Free" inscribed on my inside left wrist. A simple reminder to me to let myself go and experience life. For so long I've felt like the bird in a cage with the door propped open yet somehow resistant to taking that small leap that would see me soar.
While researching some quotes for my first book of images I came across a gem- "Life is just a chance to grow a soul." by A. Powell Davies.
I kind of like that idea.
Last night I rocked a six week old baby to sleep. It's one of the few experiences where I hear music even in a silent room.
Think about how often that happens, the magic moment.
I haven't had that experience since my nephew Omlette was born. And I love it.

"Life is just a chance to grow a soul."
Somnething I need to remember and put into practice. I think we spend so much time protecting our souls that in the end we may never emerge from the crysalise, and who really wants to be a caterpillar all their life?

Love Katie xoxox